A couple of years ago I was exposed to the world of online dating where not only was my dating world expanded but so were my questions regarding what I am comfortable with sexually. I am going to use a yoga reference for a second here. This reference you hear from teachers over and over again in classes. True to life, when you are in a pose/asana that is challenging you are often told to hang on to that limit, breathe, and hang out in your “edge” for an extra moment. Your edge is where you are challenged. You enhance yourself in your practice and as a person in those moments. What I really want to focus on here is, knowing what your edge is. How much are you willing to push yourself to get out of your comfort zone and still maintain a smile? The edge…that moment where if you go a little too far you end up uncomfortable and potentially injured or completely disheartened.
Now that you know how I define the edge…can you define what yours is sexually? I was faced with some interesting perversions with online dating that really made me question my own limits a couple of years ago. Something I had never done before. I am very accepting of other people’s limits, people use sex very often as true expressions of who they are and that is beautiful sometimes and of course with bad intention ugly. Whether it is through S&M, dominance, exhibitionism, a foot/high heel fetish, bondage, leather, pleather or whatever, as long as everyone is safe, satisfied and happy, I am very happy for them.
I am what I would deem a conventionally very passionate and open minded lover. Uninhibited, likes what feels right in the moment with the right partner. See, I don’t place limits before I even have something to discuss, but if I am not connecting, show’s over. I have had very open kink discussions with other people and their needs, it’s an interesting discussion for me, but I had never questioned anything up until this point for myself. Why? No one had ever asked me to do anything that brought me to my edge. This is not an ode to 50 Shades of Grey, which my friends, is way past my edge. So there I was a couple of years ago, being propositioned by a very very hot online guy to do some very interesting sexual play things and I had this gut reaction rather than the normal physiological mmmmm reaction and I posed the question in my thoughts, how far is too far? I knew that in this instance, I had reached my edge. I wasn’t turned on, I was nauseous and I then said good-bye to his beauty.
So how do you know your kink limits? With all the crazy S&M books coming out are people walking around at work with nipple clamps on waiting to get home and be dominated by a hot mate in their S&M chamber of love? I know my limit now and I can tell you that I have been propositioned for so many different sexual-isms I have been told to write books. Everything from S&M and orgies to being mistaken by an exhibitionist in shorts and no underwear as his ummmm blind date. I have no judgements but those things are just not for me so I said no thank you. Different edges, for different folks.
So my limit is a gut reaction, it is a feeling something like that pain achieved when reaching your edge in a yoga asana, combined with altitude sickness and a sahara dry p***y. I don’t’ categorize my tastes, I decide based on my gut what feels right. What is right with one mate, can be wrong with another. What you build with a trusted soul mate, may be very different from what you do with a booty call. Spice is good, nausea is not. Everyone’s reaction is different, I think that the most important thing is to recognize what that it is and find the edge between what your partners needs are, what turns you both on and makes everyone happy and satisfied.
Talk about it lovers.
P.S. Following me is super hot.